2nd in the Inspirational group
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
Note: For years Erma Bombeck entertained America with her self-depracating style of humor. Reading her columns or books gave the reader the immediate impression that she was "one of us." An extremely talented writer, she was diagnosed with a very serious kidney disease when she was only 20 years old. She struggled with that illness her whole life as well as surviving breast cancer. She kept her upbeat attitude and her loyalty to her fans and readers worldwide right up until she passed away. Testament to this is the line she had engraved on her headstone: "I Told You I Was Sick!"

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it .. live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Some of Erma Bombeck's More Memorable Quotes
  • "Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids."
  • "I fired my deodorant!"
  • "Children should be judged on what they are--a punishment for an early marriage."
  • "My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
  • "There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
  • "If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
  • "Mothers-in-law who wear a black armband to the wedding are expendable."
  • "The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again."
  • "I consider ironed Sheets a health hazard."
  • "Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage."
  • "Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
  • "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"
  • "In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV."
  • "When humor goes, there goes civilization."
  • "Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."
  • "Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth."
  • "The grass is always greener over the septic tank."
  • "A child needs your love more when he deserves it least."
  • "There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
  • "It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."
  • "If you can laugh at it, you can live with it."
  • "I told you I was sick." (She requested this to be her epitaph.)
  • "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian".
Twelve Generations of Youngs
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This Page Last Updated: 3 January, 2014
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