It's hard to kiss the lips at night That chew your ass out all day long

She used to call me 'Baby'
I thought she was such a lady
But my, how things have changed
Since time's moved on

I gave her my last dollar
And now all she'll do is holler
Oh, my life has become
A country song

I've learned she can resist me
By the way she always disses me
And comes to bed at night with that cold cream on

Sometimes I might feel frisky
But these days it's just too risky

It's hard to kiss the lips at night
That chew your ass out all day long

All day long
It goes on and on

If a tree fell in the forest
She didn't hear it
Would I still be wrong?

I guess I should admit it
She ain't ever gonna quit it
It's hard to kiss the lips at night
That chew your ass out all day long

Spoken:

Man I remember when her eyes used to be so blue and shiny
God, you oughta see what's happened to her hiney
(Her what?) Her hiney
Man that thing is big enough to land a small plane on
(Small plane?) I'm tellin' ya
I used to roll her in the clover Mm-mm
But thank God those days are over
(Hallelujah)

It's hard to kiss the lips at night
That chew your ass out all day long

All day long
She goes on and on
If someday they drop the big one
I'd say,'Sweet Jesus, she's gonna finally leave me alone!'
It's alright if we say it
'Cause the radio won't play it

It's hard to kiss the lips at night
That chew your ass out all day long

It's hard to kiss the lips at night
That chew your ass out all day long

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Redneck Yacht Club

I'm meetin' my buddies out on the lake
We're headed out to a special place we love
That just a few folks know

There's no signin' up, no monthly dues
Take your Johnson, your Mercury
Or your Evinrude an' fire it up
Meet us out at party cove

Come on in the water's fine
Just idle on over an' toss us a line

Bass-trackers, Bayliners and a party barge
Strung together like a floatin' trailer park
Anchored out and gettin' loud all summer long

Side by side, there's five houseboat front porches
Astroturf, lawn chairs and tiki torches
Regular Joes rockin' the boat, that's us
The Redneck Yacht Club

Bermuda's, flip-flops and a tank-top tan
He popped his first top at 10 a.m., that's Bob
He's our president

We're checkin' out the girls on the upper deck
Rubbin' in the 15 SPF, it's hot
Everybody's jumpin' in

Later on when the sun goes down
We'll pull out the jar and that old guitar
An' pass 'em around

Bass-trackers, Bayliners and a party barge
Strung together like a floatin' trailer park
Anchored out and gettin' loud all summer long

Side by side, there's five houseboat front porches
Astroturf, lawn chairs and tiki torches
Regular Joes rockin' the boat, that's us
The Redneck Yacht Club

When the party's over and we're all alone
We'll be makin' waves in a no-wake zone

Bass-trackers, Bayliners and a party barge
Strung together like a floatin' trailer park
Anchored out and gettin' loud all summer long

Side by side, there's five houseboat front porches
Astroturf, lawn chairs and tiki torches
Regular Joes rockin' the boat, that's us
The Redneck Yacht Club

Redneck Yacht Club
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na
The Redneck Yacht Club
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na

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Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off

She said I'm going out with my girlfriends
Marguerita's at the holiday inn
Oh have mercy my only thought
Was tequila makes her clothes fall off
I told her put an extra layer on
I know what happens when she drinks patron?
Her closets missing half the things she bought
Yea tequila makes her clothes fall off

She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink

Them panty hose aint gonna last too long
If the DJ puts Bon Jovi on
She might come home in a table cloth
Yea tequila makes her clothes fall off

She can handle any champagne brunch
A bridal shower with Bacardi punch
Jello shooters full of Smirnoff
But tequila makes her clothes fall off

She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink

She don't mean nothing
She just havin fun
Tomorrow she'll say oh what have I done
Her friends will joke about the stuff she lost
Yea tequila makes her clothes fall off
Oh tequila makes her clothes fall off
Oh tequila makes her clothes fall off

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She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger

She said we oughta get married
I told her I wasn’t ready
She said I wanna be with you always
I said we was already steady

She said she needed a diamond
but I told her I wouldn’t give it
She went out and got a fella
who would come up with it

Chorus
So she got the ring I got the finger
She didn’t want to waste her time with no poor assed singer
She wanted all the bling that married life would bring her
So she got the ring and I got the finger

She tried every trick in the book
to wear me down
Years before we met
she already had a wedding gown
New groom looks like a gorilla,
but she says he cute
She was looking for a man
who would fit into her monkey suit.

Chorus

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Who Put the Dick on the Snowman?

Hey, who put the dick on the snowman and embarrassed the family?
You could have used a ball bat, a cucumber or a zucchini.
But instead you used a thimble, something you could barely see.
Who put the dick on the snowman, and made him look like me?

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When You're Screwing Other Women (Think of Me)

Debbie: When you're screwing other women think of me
Just pretend the end is over
And you're back in love with me
Doyle: I’ll think of her "g" spot as your "g" spot
Even though it’s not to me
Debbie: When you're screwing other women think of me

Debbie: Just imagine I'm the filthy swine
You picked up at the bar
Doyle: I’ll pretend it's you I’m about to do
In the backseat of our car
Debbie: And when she asks you, "is something wrong dear?"
Just offer this apology
When you're screwing other women you think of me

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