Mark Twain was such an extraordinary person that his thoughts are still being used today. Not only are they still being used today but they are still just as true as they were when he first wrote them. Here is a good sampling of Mark Twain Quotes. Some of my favorites are in bold:

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

We have the best government that money can buy.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Buy land, they're not making it anymore.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.



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